38 Weeks Pregnant!

This is not a picture of my own stomach, but let me tell you.. a LOT of this is going on. I thought it was a super cute photo, so I'm including it. = )

I had my 38 week midwife appointment today. I guess I did last till that one after all. ; )

Things are still going well. My fundal height (the distance from my pubic bone to the top of your uterus) measured 37cm this week which is a week under, since I'm 38 weeks, but not a problem. I am dilated to 3cm now but still about 70% effaced. My midwife was like, "Well, at least you've taken care of almost all of early labor already!" I hadn't thought about that. According to BabyCenter.com, "Early labor ends when your cervix is about 4 centimeters dilated and your progress starts to accelerate." Maybe this means that things will go a lot quicker this time around! NOT that I'm complaining about 13 1/2 hrs (for you who had ridiculously long labors). She said the baby's heart rate is very good with a baseline in the 140s and acceleration into the 160s when he's active; a very healthy boy. = )

We then talked a little bit about how I'm doing overall. I told her that it's been a very rough week for me emotionally. Of course I'm uncomfortable at this point, but I'm also battling a cold that's been going through our family, starting with Ari. I thought I'd escaped with just the sniffles, but now I'm feeling very drained all the time also. Despite that... I have NOT been able to sleep. This is beyond pregnancy insomnia and normal troubles of trying to get comfortable. I'm exhausted. For the past 4 or 5 nights, all I have thought about as I get into the early evening hours is, "Please God, don't let me go into labor tonight; I don't think I can do it with how little sleep I've gotten. Please wait until after I get a good night sleep," but a good night sleep never comes. This concerned my midwife as well, because labor definitely requires energy. So she has prescribed me a sleep aid. I am sooo hopeful that I will actually get a good night's rest tonight, and that maybe it will even help kick this cold in the butt.

We finished our visit with her telling me that she is on call most of this Labor Day weekend, so if I go into labor during that time, there's a pretty good chance she could be the one there to "catch" my baby! ("catch" is the term used to describe the role of the midwife, since it's the mother who is really delivering the baby) I think it would be pretty neat if she could be there. She was the one I've seen all the way through both my pregnancies, but didn't happen to be on hospital shift when I had Ari. Labor Day, Sept 5th, 2011, was my original guess for what day I would have this baby, so who knows! Only God. = )

On a final note, I wanted to ponder a very sensitive topic, hopefully with grace and love. Know that this is not directed towards anyone specifically; it's just something that's been on my mind lately as I've heard about and discussed many hard circumstances regarding pregnancies.

I know something of what it's like to want to conceive a baby and not be able to, though not nearly to the extreme of may people I know. Drew and I tried on and off for about 2 years before we got pregnant with Ari. I dealt with a lot of jealousy and bitterness towards other pregnant women during that time, as well as embarrassment that there was something wrong with me, and heartache for what I longed for so badly; to have a baby of my own. Well, I finally did get pregnant, obviously. But being pregnant, for me, has been hard both physically and emotionally, in a variety of different ways, from beginning to end each time.

Hardships of any kind are just that; hard. But people who have had trouble conceiving deal with, what I believe, is an unnecessary pressure once they do get pregnant. They feel like they must be happy at all times, no matter what, because they are lucky to be pregnant. These people sometimes put that same burden on other pregnant women up until the point that they themselves get pregnant, and judge those who aren't living up to their standards. In my opinion, this is unhealthy all around. We are told to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn; not to demand that people "should" feel a certain way, just because it's easier for us to handle.

I believe it is possible to understand how truly blessed you are to be pregnant and still dislike, and have a hard time, being pregnant at the same time. I personally do not like being pregnant, but I am SO glad that I have been able to get pregnant and so far carry one child to birth. I pray every night that this baby would stay healthy and that the cord would stay far away from his neck; I KNOW that it's possible to lose a child even up to your due date and am grateful for each day that he is alive in there.

There is definitely a place for tact in how to talk about pregnancy hardships one-on-one with a person who is having trouble getting pregnant; some people are much better at it than others (I have put my foot in my mouth out of good intentions more than once). But it's an impossible burden to try and figure out how your words might affect all the individual people who might read something you've written in a status or on a blog, where so many people may read it. The safer alternative is just to never write anything about the topic, which is just extreme and does not encourage an atmosphere of "going through life together", which I believe is what most of us seek through social media.

I have a heart for women who have trouble carrying pregnancies and pray for as many of them as I can think of on a regular basis. I hope that any of you reading this who fall into that category WILL get pregnant, and that when you do, your pregnancy will not be riddled with guilt and pressure to always be happy if you have a hard time with nausea or any of the other very unpleasant things that can come along with it. God comforts us in the midst of our trials and helps us work our way through; He does not expect us to suck it up and ignore them. = )

I apologize if this has offended anyone. My heart's intention is that it actually draws us into mourning, hoping and rejoicing WITH one another, rather than against each other in the two camps of "can" and "can't". God Bless till next time. = )