Phew!! I am EXHAUSTED. I have been really exhausted a lot lately. For about the past week or two actually. I'm sure part of it is that Ari is getting a lot more active now (and is gaining a pound a day, I swear), school has really been picking up and I'm trying to not drink quite as much coffee each morning. Ugh.Anyways, I just got back from a date night with Drew! It was so much fun. I'm telling you, I never knew how valuable dates were until they were so hard to come by! Drew and I have maybe had three dates involving just the two of us since Ari was born, and I'm pretty sure I've almost cried each time. It seems so silly, but each time we're out together it feels like our relationship is new again and I feel like my old self!
At one point tonight, I thought for a second how nice it would be if we never had kids, but within a blink (and not related to the prior thought) I found myself missing Ari so much and wanting to text my mom to see how he was doing. It's a strange mix of emotions that accompanies a kid coming into the picture. I just try to roll with the punches. = )
Earlier today Drew and I had a budget meeting. It went so well, and I am actually excited about our goals and where we're headed financially! This is such a stark contrast to my feelings at the end of many budget discussions in the past that I had to take the time to bask in the glow of how much our relationship and communication skills having grown this past year. I commented on it to Drew and he agreed that we have improved a lot and is also very glad that we have. = D
On a drier note, I have another A&P II exam coming up on Wednesday evening. I have not been doing a good job of studying AT ALL. Tomorrow is completely booked, but at least Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday are pretty much free. I will try to whip myself into submission and study a bunch on those days. I also have a group presentation for Lab the following Monday, so I have my work cut out for me. You may not see me posting as much until then if I'm behaving. ; D
Alright.. headed off to bed now. Had to charge my iTouch (alarm clock) on my laptop because the power is off in half of our house tonight. Drew's working on creating an electrical outlet behind the flat screen TV so that cords don't hang down to the existing outlet anymore. That little boy Ari is into EVERYTHING. Seriously guys.. I swear that he is no more than a month away from walking and he's only going to be 9 months on Monday. He's crazy! I love it. = D
I think all moms can relate to your feelings regarding your date night. Being "Mom" can be hard (I wrote a post about it a few months back: http://www.polishthestars.com/2010/06/hello-my-name-is-jeremys-mom.html) and some times you don't even realize it until you are away from it all. There have been times when Shelby and I are on a date and I finally feel like my old self only to return a couple of hours later and have to face being 'Mom' again instead of just 'Megan'. I also have the occasional, fleeting thought of 'life would have been easier without a child' - usually when a fellow blogger writes about their child-less, relaxing weekend with their husband and I read about it with envy. Within a few minutes though, I realize that I wouldn't be complete without Jer and can't imagine what my life would be like without him in it.
ReplyDeleteBecoming a mother is difficult. At some point you start to lose your identity and become 'mom'. There is a struggle between trying to be a great mother while at the same time remaining an individual separate from your child. Sorry to write a book here in your comments section. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. It seems like this is something that no one ever wants to talk about and with that silence it can make you feel like a bad mom for thinking those things. However, through comments on my blog and reading the blogs of others, I have learned that all moms experience these conflicting emotions. I still haven't made it through to the other side so I can't say with certainty that it gets easier but I can say that you are not alone. :)
I actually remember that post Megan! lol, apparently I really am a regular reader of your blog.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your comment. Although moms always talk about how hard being one is, you really don't hear mothers discussing this struggle- to maintain "you", while also embracing "mom". I think it has to be a very normal feeling though. People probably only vary on how often they feel it.
Being in school and still working a few times a month has definitely helped. Even if work/school was stressful, I can lose myself in those things and center before heading back home to give and give and give and give again.
Thanks again for sharing Megan, it's comforting to know that moms everywhere are dealing with similar issues. = D